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”We all laughed and the game continued.Pam won and Liz lost the next hand.Pam asked Liz, “Have you ever made love on the hood of a car?”Liz replied, “Kyle and I did at the park one time.”Pam won again and Ted lost and she asked, “Now what turns you on with me?”Ted smiled and said, “Your shaved pussy.”Pam immediately blurted out, “It isn’t all shaved. I have a landing strip,” and everyone cracked up and you could see Pam turn beet red.Ted won the next hand Liz lost, he asked her when was the first time she’d made love to a guy.Liz responded, “When I was a senior in high school.”Pam spoke up and said “You are lying because you told me it was when you were a junior.”Liz tried to correct herself but we all said you have to take a dare.Ted said, “Okay girl because you lied you have to remove your top.”Liz looked at me and I agreed with Ted but Pam wasn’t sure we should go down that road.Liz said, “I guess we are” and she stood up, grabbed the bottom of her top and pulled it up and over her. I just couldn't muster the passion if I wasn't going to call her a slut and a whore, or something similar. Talking to a shrink has helped some, although I don't know why; I never believed in that sort of thing, certainly not that it might have any effect in just a week. Still when we went back to see Dr. Gardner after sleeping in the same bed for a week, I was beginning to think that there might be some outer limits to my anger, that I might be able to contain it. I found I was looking forward to tonight when I could say positive things to her, and I always meant those.If only - are there any sadder words? If only I could stop seeing images of her with those officers. I keep replaying conversations I had with those men, wondering if they ever let me hear them laughing at me, taunting me. Every time I start talk to Jenny about holding her in bed, or more, I'm flooded with the image of one of those fat slobs rutting on her. Then I want to throw up as I 'hear' her cries of passion.
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